Cubicle Romance

I am not sure when this started. I mean, having a fondness for cubicles - sitting in them, feeling the hard plastic on my derriere, staring at the hook on the door, the fluorescent bulb on the ceiling and feeling comforted from it all.

I believe it must have begun when I was attachment at the hospital as a student, probably at KK (Kendang Kerbua) Women's and Children's because the toilet cubicles there were really clean and pretty. The walls were white, the plastic doors were light green and the hooks on the door were a matching white. Large mirrors were installed above the sinks so one had a contrast of her-self against the walls, making any loss or gain of weight easily noticeable. Mirrors, for some of us, seem to have the enigmatic power to build or destroy our self-esteem. There is no problem when the image in it does not bother us but when the feedback is adverse, we should take hold of it and crush it like a cockroach. Metal and glass will have no hold on me, thank you very much!

Toilets conjure up very dramatic emotions! How many of you do your thinking while you are passing some, say, bulk? Come on, own up, own up! I know so many people who bring in reading material while they go in for the big one. And one of them said that it would be very messy at the end of it. Eww…For me, toilets and in particular cubicles are refuges from the insanity of the ward. The ward is a battle-zone! You have targets flying from the doctors, the senior staff nurses, to the patients. There is a never-ending cycle of tasks that need to be completed.

Cubicles give so much relief to my soul. Going to the toilet is a legitimate reason to be away from the work place. One has to pee! No one can hold that against me for excusing myself for nature's call. I can take as long as I want. Some processes take longer than others and stating my reason for my long absence to my fellow workers because of a particular constipated problem, would draw sympathetic sighs. Most of the time, I do not even have to explain why I took so long. Everyone understands why - the go through it them-selves!

I try to make the best of my cubicle moments. I will take my time in settling down for what I need to do. Make sure the seat is dry, make sure there is enough toilet paper, make sure my clothes do not get wet by some an obscure wet spot. Then I will sigh, feel the tension lift off and feel even lighter when waste leaves my body. Taking a moment to gaze up at the hook on the door or the white, glaring lamp above, I turn my mind off for a while and stare into space. Sometimes I will cry out to God. Not having anyone in the other cubicles or having someone else waiting for their turn allows those times to be even more restful. It is like possessing the entire space and enjoying the privacy it grants.

People need so much rest. Rest from the anxiety of work, from our (oh help!) issues, from other people. How often do we get that other than sleeping? Some of us do not even get rest from sleep. Dark circles and constant fatigue are testament to the lack of rest. We lead really hectic lives. One crazy day leads to another; we rush from work to lunch, to work, to meeting our friends, to sleep. And then the whole cycle starts again. Those, I dare say, 5-6 hours of sleep we get every night in our beds are not sufficient to make up for the energy we expend living one mad day after another.

Lux soup ran a commercial in India about a woman who fantasized about another life, running in the fields happily (most typically Bollywood-type fantasies) when she took baths. When asked why they choose women in the shower for their advertisement concept, Lux responded by saying that being in the shower was the only time Indian women had privacy to themselves. And it was probably the only time they could imagine a better life better than the ones they were leading. I do not remember the rest of the article I read but my guess is that Lux probably wanted to cash in on that fantasy by giving the idea that their soup could bring a little of that happiness.

I seriously doubt soup can change our lives. It can be part of the time-out we need from living this life. Part of the support that makes up the shelter we run and hide into when we have been weather-beaten and wearied from the storms of our lives. One of the instruments we use to seek the peace our souls desperately need. But it cannot replace rest. They can only help bring us there.

When our Lord says 'in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength' (Isaiah 30:15), he does not lie. Sin and rebellion rob our peace because of the distress it brings to our lives. We cannot hear God's voice when we are surrounded by noise; we lose focus and discernment as a result of this blurred communication. Not trusting the Lord makes us rely on our imperfect judgement that usually, inadvertently leads to much doubt and confusion. Is God saying this, or that? Many bad decisions I made in my life were because I was too distracted to hear God clearly and thought he said something, when he meant the total opposite.

I am so thankful that toilet cubicles bring me so much solace from the world. But nothing beats one on one quiet time with God, for that is when I can unload my burdens onto him and be reassured of a better tomorrow.

In quietness and trust is your strength. May all cubicles bring you the quietness you need for your souls, the trust you need from your silent prayers to God and the rest it brings from listening closely to what he has to say about your life.

Posted on 11 May, 2005 by Charlene